Check List for Premarital Discussion
Oh my. Well. Pfft. Let's go then.
Before I begin, a note:
All discussion is important. I cannot stress this enough but no matter what it is, or why, or how, discussion will solve more problems than silence. Not all, I will admit, but even little conversations are important. Talk about dinner. Talk about the weather. Talk about whatever comes to mind so long as it's talking.
And now, the list. For reference, some of this should've been discussed well before the marriage point, but you didn't say when this conversation was supposed to happen so... in no particular order:
1. Allergies? Whether it's who has what, or how serious they are, or whether or not you believe they exist (and disagree with science), or whatever else, this should be on your list.
2. Kids? How many? How soon? Adoption? Natural? Gender preference? What about birth defects? Learning disabilities? Godparents? Fairy Godparents? Include the vaccination talk here. Maybe even names for kids if it goes that far.
3. Sexual History? This should always include any relevant diseases one may have contracted, and should possibly include any sexual kinks or whathave you.
4. Family Health Issues? This is very important, as there are a lot of genetic conditions and possible problems one might run into later. Cancer is a big thing in my family, for example, though it tends to strike the women more than the men. My father has certain mental health issues I may have avoided, but that knowing the warning signs for it are good, just in case. This is also important to the children discussion.
5. Little preferences? White/Dark meat, as mentioned in the first post, is an excellent starter. Pepsi/Coke, side of the bed, M&M color preference, Netflix shows, favorite pizza toppings, TV in the bedroom, etc. etc. Any little thing can be important if you want it to be, and I seem to have focused on food, but that's how the cookie crumbles.
6. Hygiene Habits? Besides the clothes thing mentioned above, having an idea about general grooming is good. Does your paramour shave regularly? What is their opinion on how often dishes should be washed/where you can keep dirty ones? Do they use any particular brands of shampoo/soap (possibly due to medical issues, as I mentioned before)? Electric toothbrush? Can you use the same sink at the same time?
7. How much X do we have together? If you plan on moving in together (strange for a married couple, I know), then it's rather important to discuss how much you actually have together. How much silverware? How much furniture? How many mugs? If you have seven microwaves between the two of you, perhaps it's time to downsize. If you each have your own toothbrush, maybe just go with one (Kidding! Kidding!).
8. Career Goals? Both of you can't be stay-at-home-dads. Or, maybe, you can be, but you have to know that in advance. This includes any travel for that ideal job. Should include hours worked, typical shifts, and salary (if it's known and important). It's also good to know, if you plan on kids, whether or not you'll both be okay with a nanny, or if someone will have to step into the house to raise them.
9. Pets? Along the kids route, there's a lot to discuss here. Added in though might be what you'll do as far as dead pets, since that (if the Fates align) will not be a conversation you need to have about your children. This can also tie into allergies, but might be revealing in many other ways too.
10. Things you like to do? Sharing common activities is important. Learning to share is, perhaps, infinitely moreso. Finding you already do? Priceless.
11. Politics? Not gonna go into detail here, but this can be huge. Or it can be kept secret. Some people do well with that. I, personally, can't imagine the latter scenario, but apparently so.
12. Religion? Same as 11, though perhaps infinitely moreso. This may factor heavily into the discussion on children, and pets (depending on religion).
13. The Wedding? This seems obvious to talk about before the wedding, but it can be a big thing. Everything from venue, to invites, to band vs. DJ can, in some cases, break a relationship in two. Best to talk about it early. After all, you can't ever start planning soon enough for a wedding. It's incredible how much time it all takes.
14. Education? This might go along with the job, or it might be obvious without any discussion at all depending on where and where and why you met. Still, education is an (often) costly endeavour, and it's certainly time-consuming, and it could get in the way of nearly everything previously discussed.
15. Which Season of Game of Thrones are you on? Because spoilers for GoT might as ell be a relationship ender. And, since it's GoT, it might end in blood. Blood and Tears.
16. ???
17. PROFIT!
There's... probably more, but yeah. That's a short list. Take from it what you will, and go wherever it may lead you. You can have parts of this discussion later, or never, or much later, but I believe all of it is important to at least think about. And, again, don't stop and force these suggestions if the conversation takes you somewhere else. All discussion is important. Talk. Just talk.