member, 331 posts
Tue 31 Mar 2015
at 23:28
Let's Fight
So I initiated with my 7 year old son... "Let's Fight"
He thinks this is so cool. I block his first two punches and I go for a tickle attack. I get him on the floor.

Round two: He steps back and snaps a kick. Which I decided to block with my index finger.

TIME OUT for Dad.
 member, 15 posts
Wed 1 Apr 2015
at 02:03
Re: So much for happy holidays...

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was moot, at 02:23, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

 member, 6637 posts
 Gaming for over 30
 years, and counting!
Thu 23 Apr 2015
at 07:01
I want my brain back...
It's allergy season.  And for some bizarre reason, it's worse this year than I ever remember.  I thought it was, perhaps, an allergy that turned into a cold (and it may be, I don't know for sure), but in the past when that's happened, there were certain allergy symptoms that stopped bothering me once the cold settled in.  Not so, this year.

Between the allergy meds and the rocky sleep I get as a result of having to sleep in odd positions to keep my sinuses from drowning me overnight, my mental focus is drifting.  I remembered a 7:30 meeting tonight at 9:30 (I was asleep on my couch at 7:30).

I'll certainly be happy when whatever's finished pollinating for the spring and things drop back to a manageable level again...
 member, 474 posts
 You can call me V, just V
 Life; a journey made once
Sat 23 May 2015
at 06:27
Re: I want my brain back...
I'm angry, and I don't know why. Bad stuff happens and I deal with that, but that usually doesn't anger me, it scares me, makes me anxious or or annoys me. No, I'm just angry, very often, and it's very deep seeded anger that roots in part from not feeling accomplished. It makes me argumentative and confrontational, and when the few times I avoid confrontation, like on RPOL I receive terse backlash for not arguing and just removing myself from the situation.

Really that's not it though, the culprit is feeling ineffective and overwhelmed, it makes me feel small and insignificant. I see so many people so accomplished and better at in activities I really try hard at, or lackadaisical about things I try to be good at and still comparable to me. It makes me feel lost and disparaged, which makes me feel either sad, and not productive, or angry and aggressive.

Because life doesn't stop when I have a bad day, or for anyone for that matter, I end up being angry to get through the day. It makes me off-putting and offensive, and I can understand that, but that makes me feel sad.

It's gotten to the point though, that I've exhausted a lot of great potential for new friends because I've been an ass. Just too stubborn on that day to say "I'm sorry. The truth is, I made a mistake. I don't know what I'm doing and tried to pretend I did. I spent a lot time trying to make this work, but I need help."

The fact I'm angry makes (most) people not like me, the fact they don't like me makes me worried, and sometimes, if it's someone I've actually got to know and messed it up with, sad. Life goes on and things need to happen, and I try, and often fal, which makes me frustrated...and then angry.

Failing is my worst fear, and so it's a very tangled vicious cycle. It is both a self fulfilling prophecy and a conduit for repeating occurrence One that can only be broken by intensely deliberate thought process. I don't have to be good, I just have to be good enough. People will like me if I'm not so moany and gripey, and if they don't then it's matter of them not liking my actual attitude and not this toxic bravado. If that's the case then it's just better that way. Because it just means we're not compatible, and that's okay, that's not failing.

It's just going to take quite awhile before I can shake that attitude of being defensive in the face of ridicule. It hits at the very nerve that affects me most. I have lofty aspirations, and that is true on RPOL games I GM here too, but I feel like if I aim for the sky, an illusory place I can never quite get, I find myself taking off and going farther than I ever would have had I only intend to get my feet off the ground. I hate falling, and especially when people mock or ridicule the notion of trying to fly, but when I find those rare events where I can, where I do something great in spite of all the limitations and feel like I'm floating, that's what makes me happy. That and sharing people's company.

I think that was one of the few things (and hopefully this doesn't tread again site RoA, it's more anecdotal) that I held onto from days in a warped religious lifestyle. I remember the stories of Jesus being with friends and valuing that over having a clean home, doing superficial work, or maintaining the "Jonah is the ONLY sign!" philosophy. I'd rather go without eating (and have) or miss a day of work than miss a good time with a friend. That makes me happy too. Because nothing can by back that time, and I would (and do) miss that most.

Sharing the company, even over the internet, with kind and fun people is enriching. I need to admit I really need help with things I should know, and ask for forgiveness when I say or do something disrespectful, rather than trying to justify a mistake.

Eh, I already know all this, and it serves very little purpose to post it for everyone to read rather than just write it down and discard it, but it helps in the process of trying to fix a problem. Bein g willing to admit I often feel inept and overwhelmed, and that that makes me angry, I hope will be a step in the direction of not being so. "It doesn't matter what people think. " well, yeah it does, to me at least. They may not be right, but it at least paints a more accurate and objective picture of who I am. Everything is subjective. If it doesn't matter what people think, than I might as well be doing this (whatever) alone.

Anyway, this was a LONG vent, but I needed to make it, and this is the place to do it. And I do feel (somewhat) better. </it now>
 member, 10 posts
 Part-Time Game Master
 Badass Normal
Wed 27 May 2015
at 15:20
It pisses me off how people never try to get to know the loner kid who sits alone at lunch and eats silently over his laptop. Why not? You can make it JUST LIKE A MOVIE, WHY AREN'T YOU!?!?
 member, 247 posts
Wed 3 Jun 2015
at 02:57
Re: I want my brain back...

This message was deleted by the user at 02:58, Wed 03 June 2015.

 member, 249 posts
Wed 17 Jun 2015
at 23:38
Tak mal arik tiak.
 member, 6654 posts
 Gaming for over 30
 years, and counting!
Thu 18 Jun 2015
at 05:48
Other peoples', that is.  As in, I had to go sit down with my boss and the company HR manager to discuss a sexual harrassment complaint filed over what I thought were rather innocuous statements.

Funny thing about sexual's one of those things where your motives can have no impact whatsoever, it's all about how your words or actions are interpreted.  There's one person at work in front of whom I'll be speaking very little, unless it's directly about the show...
 member, 475 posts
 You can call me V, just V
 Life; a journey made once
Fri 19 Jun 2015
at 18:54
Re: Feelings...
I sometimes sit and think, like today, about mistakes I've made and those I didn't. Mistakes can change your life, but some are necessary to learn your true potential. I sometimes think I made the wrong ones, caught a lot of fish but never really learned how I caught them. I think about friends I had, friends I deeply cared for. Things happened, be it a petty dispute, distance between us, or even just a person disappearing as if they never existed, with no known trace of family or contacts reference just one day after a couple weeks of not talking they don't answer their door. They don't answer their phone calls. I keep trying but then think "well, maybe she's just n vacation", but then someone else I don't know answers the door whom has no idea who I am am or my friend for that matter, and when I try my friend's number it's no longer in service. Just questions, just mystery, and no closure.

I don't often dwell, but like today, I do sometimes. People say "oh you'll make new friends" but that seems to dwindle in truth with the passing years. I have friends I've known for many years or I have awkward acquaintances with people whom I only see once in a blue moon.

I feel happy today, because I made a new friend. Not someone I never met before, but someone I gamed with that today I felt like I got to know as a person and not just coherent text on a screen. I also feel sad, because that connection is so fragile, even more likely to just disappear like soap bubble as if it never existed. If it hadn't happened before I wouldn't be afraid, but it has.

It's just a friend, I know, but that's the best thing I could ask for. It's always been the thing I value most.

It's not going to keep me from enjoying life, but it is going to make me pause, take note of the feelings I have, the relief, the excitement, the curiosity and the enjoyment of their company. I have no expectations except to keep in touch, at least in the imminent future, but I just want to inhale this moment into my mind and remember it on days when I am alone again, when my best friend has died of cancer, when I can't pay the bills and so have no internet, no home, no car and no one who understand my tics. When an infection goes to my eyes and makes me blind. I want to remember days like this, so I can hope for them to come again.

Having such memories is how I survived to this point, and I know that test of willpower is not over. People say be happy for what you have and I am, I really am. Just sharing someone elses' company, having a conversation, even purely written and knowing the bad parts of me are already exposed, makes me feel safe. It's a light I can pull out when darkness comes once more and though the darkness remains it gives me reprieve from it. It gives me peace of mind not having to resist the tics to type something obscene or compulsion to be argumentative.

Anyway, it also makes me scared. That won't stop me from being happy. It's just a lot harder when you lose something/someone you actually cared about and valued their time as unique and therefor priceless. Everything comes to an end, especially good things. That fear helps me enjoy it, like a starving man in a finite room of food. It doesn't have to be the best food I've ever tasted, and certainly not nthe only food, it just has to be food I like but I've never tasted before and never will again, and to a person that seldom has enough to eat.

Anyway. Being happy can hurt after having so much anguish and pretending even to myself I was alright, because I had to take another step, had to be strong for others, had to tell myself I was fine because if I didn't I would just stop moving.

Today is a good day, a really good day, and not just for that reason. Also because I get to talk about my late Uncle with my mother, his sister. I get one last chance to ask questions to the next best person than my Uncle himself. I get to game with RL friends who have stuck with me and each other for years. I get to play in exciting games and share emotions on an imaginary stage.

It's a vent, even though I'm not angry or depressed right now. I'm still near to that and looking back looking back onto the valley I crossed as I crest the summit. I see looming darkness, inevitable trials ahead of me, still I feel the bitter cold that's around me in the current climate. I see the precariousness of celebrating, how that could be what makes me fall. I see that no matter how warm the fire is, it will only make me colder when it goes out and that's why it hurts.
 member, 573 posts
Sun 12 Jul 2015
at 07:48
Re: Feelings...
I bought a printer at a store. I opened the box and it's full of spiders hatching. They won't take it back.

I put the printer outside and I'm hoping the spiderlings balloon away. I'll wait a day, then I'll blast it with the air hose.
 member, 126 posts
Sun 26 Jul 2015
at 01:58
Re: Feelings...
Players who join a game, post a few times, and then immediately stop posting while still checking in, slowing down your game in the process. Those players who also ignore your requests to post until you send a PM asking them to do so. Those same players who respond that they didn't feel the need to respond.

It's called a role-playing game because you're acting it out, not just rolling dice. Know your role and play it, for flan's sake.
 member, 570 posts
Tue 28 Jul 2015
at 01:59
Re: Feelings...
Nothing like snapping your ankle to make you realize your floor needs a cleaning.
 member, 6666 posts
 Gaming for over 30
 years, and counting!
Tue 4 Aug 2015
at 06:12
Re: Feelings...
Look...just because you're cheesed off because the manager called you out for screwing around onstage does NOT give you excuse to not only keep screwing around, but actually sabotage parts of the show for some of the other people in it.  Get your ego in aren't THAT talented.
 member, 578 posts
Sat 8 Aug 2015
at 13:24
Re: Feelings...
Too much umbrage involved in replacing a broken shower. Found out that not only was it done once before, but they did a shoddy job. Did not remove the previous tile, installation properly and the drywall needs to be replaced (they didn't even anchor the shower head pipe). In order to even do a proper job, they have to tear up the kitchen to get to it. So...more shoddy job (not to mention they never bothered to measure the Height for clearance before ordering the new shower.

plus: seriously dog, you can't come in while they're working. Trust me, they are not there for you to befriend.

This message was last edited by the user at 10:22, Thu 13 Aug 2015.

 member, 461 posts
Sat 8 Aug 2015
at 17:17
Re: Feelings...

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was against the ToU, at 17:26, Sat 08 Aug 2015.

 member, 925 posts
Thu 1 Oct 2015
at 23:41
Re: Feelings...
I live 70 miles from Roseburg, Oregon: 10 people dead and at lest seven injured in another mass shooting. I'm saddened, angry, appalled, and frustrated.

Discussion of this and similar matters belongs in a "game" discussion board, not in Community Chat.

This message was last edited by the user at 05:37, Fri 02 Oct 2015.

 member, 95 posts
Sun 4 Oct 2015
at 22:06
Re: A Bad Attack of RL
I have work that's managed by the fiends of Hades; I have hobbies I have had to
abandon due to the health issues of old age, and now it looks like I'm in a
further downward spiral.  So I shall take a while to ponder my next steps, and I have to wonder if my cane will take me there.  Cheery bye.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 89 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Tue 6 Oct 2015
at 14:40
Just show me the money...
Could someone please just buy my house?  We have our new one picked out, our offer accepted, half our stuff packed, now we just need someone to buy our house so we can finance.  We've got overseas house guests coming in November, and I dread trying to put them up in my current home, with only one bathroom, for two weeks, not with me still working night shift and us still trying to keep our house in show condition for house-sellings.

Please.  Someone?  :(
 member, 772 posts
Sat 10 Oct 2015
at 17:08
Just show me the money...
I'm renting a room in a house.  I can't afford anything better despite working over 40 hours a week at two different jobs.  Getting sleep isn't easy.  I may have the option of taking a full time night shift position.  This would be great because id get to go to school during the day and get a masters so I can get a better job to pay off a mountain of debt.  However, my landlord/housemate and his wife keep two large dogs who love to wrestle and bark at all hours of the day.  I had the chance to sleep in today, but was woken up by growling and barking at 7am instead.

Note, I'm going to apply for the position and school anyway.  Just frustrated that I have this difficulty to look forward to.

Edited at 9:15pm to add:  And the day kinda sucked all around.  Angry customers who actually shouted at us both over the phone and in person.  I get home to be pounced on my the dogs, while the cat escapes.  Sit down at my computer to watch a movie with a glass of wine, which I almost never do, and the wireless adapter breaks off, nearly leaving the USB plug inside of my tower's port.  So, I only have internet on my phone for another week or more while I save enough to replace the gaming quality adapter.

And, it keeps on going since I have to do laundry in order to have work clothes for my shift early tomorrow morning.  Not the worst day on record, by far, but I do wish I could bury myself in that bottle of red.  :P

This message was last edited by the user at 04:19, Sun 11 Oct 2015.

 member, 279 posts
Sat 17 Oct 2015
at 02:33
Just show me the money...
There's a spider hanging over my bed waiting for me to fall asleep, and Im home alone tonight. Fat chances of me sleeping anytime soon :P
 member, 779 posts
Fri 30 Oct 2015
at 01:08
Just show me the money...
Crazy day at work.  I'm the main person running the front registers for several hours.  Getting a manager, or supervisor, to enter their codes for special circumstances was a pain.  Getting a second person to open up another register when we had big grumpy lines was like pulling a tooth.  Both contributed to even longer lines and grumpier customers.  I'm covering breaks and listening to others taking off for lunch, but I never got my break.  Nobody was available to take over the main register.  I'm not even trained for it.  My primary training is with a different department altogether, which also had huge lines because nobody was covering it.

And, since I'm the most visible of the employees, unique appearance plus I actually wear my uniform and name badge.  So, I get all of the customer feedback about long waits.  Oh, and I'm also expected to be answering the main phone lines and calling customers back, while there is a constant line.  I got 'reminded' that its one of my responsibilities while working the register.

Ok people, we just hired more staff.  Please use them!  This situation shouldn't be happening in a store our size.  I shouldn't have to go without a 15, or bathroom break, when there are that many people on staff.

Blarg!  Who needs a drink?  :P
 member, 64 posts
Fri 30 Oct 2015
at 03:04
Re: Just show me the money...
I'm department manager covering the registers. I need to get a few people on lunch and breaks. Mind you I have not had anything at this point and my shift ends in 3 hours (full day) I send one of my wing tills out to lunch and call a second department who had 3 workers in (everyone else is skeleton staffed at this point). I get a "we are kinda busy, but I'll send "bob" up in a bit to cover "phils" break". An hour later "Bob" wanders down to the wing where I'm still at the till "amy" just said that you needed someone to cover a break? I dang near explode as he goes on to say that he was merely facing shelves the whole hour. (confirmed by the lumber guys to can see down the drive isle). Fruiting "amy" is all about store unity and helping each other out unless you bother her department. She will take from the entire store to help her area out but NEVER let loose one of her workers. She would rather sit and argue with you about who else can drive a lift to get product for a customer instead of taking 3 minuets to drop the dang pallet!

This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was moot, at 03:27, Fri 30 Oct 2015.

 member, 588 posts
Sun 1 Nov 2015
at 22:50
Re: Just show me the money...
Kind of weird that I am in a resturaunt where 2/3 of the people here need an another adult to tell them how to live.
 member, 930 posts
Mon 2 Nov 2015
at 07:08
Re: Just show me the money...
Such a nice number; I spoiled it.
 member, 804 posts
 hi all
Mon 9 Nov 2015
at 06:05
Re: Just show me the money...
<Pulls out hair>
Okay why is it that my new boss (came from out of state from the so called 'corporate office') finally gets a cue to hire new people yet cannot fathom why most quite within a month?  He's hired these flaky people who even if lumped together can be outwitted by ambient air lint, or have absolutely no sense of direction (not kidding here, one actually asked me how to get to the other side of the office that if he turned 180 degrees he could see it. that was this past Wednesday), or are so physically weak that picking up a ream of standard recycled copier paper gets them winded.  Me, I had to work with my foot nearly in a cast because no one else wanted to do even try and work.
Also had to deal with an asst. director this week.  In my job I need certain things to happen at certain times (this is at a hospital) so I can do my job properly, this dork was 'subbing' (if you can call it that) for a coworker on vacation.  His idea of doing that job was shluffing it to already over worked people in the off.  Any how I asked him for a specific piece of info.  his answer was 'when I know you'll know'.  That does not when I need it in 15 minutes.  I asked again he says 'we' have 3 hours, I try to tell him 'we' don't.  He literally stuck his fingers in his ears.  I cannot mention what info I needed by HIPPA, but if I don't get the info I need it puts me behind in other areas.  I can't wait til the last minute to do it.  It would be like everyone is a racer in the Indy 500, flag goes down to go and everyone goes but me.  I am waiting for tires so ask my pit crew and being told that when they get tires I'll get tires and that they have until lap 499 to get them to me....too late.  I need before the first lap passes and I get rear ended because I cannot even move off the track because I have no tires.
finally nearly in tears from stress I get the Director his boss and mine) that I need the info...NOW!.  finally get it pried out of him and I have to rush to get it in.  The asst. director is irked at me the rest of the day.  I finally tell him to back off he was in the wrong.  If he is not happy with what I did he is more than welcome to do that task I had to do the rest of the given days.
And my Director is a real gem (said sarcastically).  Besides not being able to hire a higher life form worth a dang he calls me in (under guise of no one who can do my job) 2 days after I have foot surgery.