My take on it (much like Bart's) is to make the most of what stage you are at in life. Looking back on any stage of life I remember some good times that I miss. So now I try to think of the good parts of my current stage of my life. Realizing that right now I'm living in what will one day be looked back on as "the good ol' days". Though it does help that I enjoy my job, make a decent amount, and plan plenty of social activities in the evenings/weekends.

Now there's a thought.

Hmm... what are the good parts of my current stage of life? Oh, I know, having money.

Obviously a good plan would be to save money for a time when you have more time to use it.

Perfectly legitimate. I, for one, will be dropping a large chunk of cash on a new laptop tomorrow because my video card isn't good enough for WoW, apparently... which is weird because it worked fine before I sent it away.

Quite content with my life, I am, except for those parts with which I am not content. :)

I would like to get married someday, but I'm rather staunch in my particular religion and I'd like my wife to be, well to like geeks because I am one.  That particular combination doesn't seem easy to find in unmarried women.  Compound that with a dearth of available meetups of most every kind since the four days a week that I work to get in a week's work are generally Fri-Mon (with Sunday afternoon off to go to church), and bars absolutely not being good places to meet people since I don't drink, even on holidays and special occasions, and I can't really find people who fit those initial two categories who want to go on a date on say Tuesday evening, and how's that for a run-on sentence?  That's my single biggest regret/concern -- I don't have someone that I could really partner with and share our lives together.  I'm not depressed about it -- I'm continuing to try this internet dating thing on other websites and we'll see how that works out.  That's pretty much the major downer in my life though.  Possibly a real first world problem that many people would kill to have as their major problem in life, but that's the breaks.

Really Bart, I'm in a similar boat, wanting to get married eventually, but not in a huge hurry. My main criteria (similar to yours) are to have similar values/beliefs, similar interests (geeky), and similar sense of humor. Though I've met some people that I feel meet this criteria, none yet that it has been reciprocated, or that it didn't work out for some other reason.

On a side note of the up sides of being single. Some friends and I were talking about going to Disney World Monday, got approved time off and booked the rooms yesterday, and are booking the flights today. Something that I wouldn't be doing as spur of the moment if I weren't single probably.

Some people say that online dating sites are quite good these days if you're really looking.

I wouldn't know. I'm a happily single female who isn't interested in finding a boyfriend (or girlfriend), or getting married ever. However my mom's youngest sister met her husband on an online dating site. I really like him because almost as soon as she started bringing him to family reunions, he took over the job of taking the family photo... an ordeal that, under my grandfather, could take up to an hour. With my uncle it takes about ten minutes.

That is quite impressive (in regards to the photo). I have yet to try online dating, though don't have any issues with it.

Understandable. I don't have any particular issues with it myself (although I do think that matching people based on glorified personality tests seems a bit sketchy, and the chances of meeting someone you might like to spend time with lower than the commercials would have you believe). I don't really understand how people can just jump into dating a complete stranger... even for just a coffee date or whatever.

I went on a lunch date with a guy from my company's IT department once. It... didn't go very well. I'm a terrible conversationalist, and he wasn't much better. It was the second time I had to tell a guy "It's not you, it's me. I'd just rather be friends."

Very true. I tend to prefer to get to know someone a little before asking them out. The problem is I would only want to date someone I would want to be friends with. But by dating them, you also put the friendship on the line. Though now that I'm older it seems people are more likely to stay friend after dating, it still changes the dynamics of the relationship.

What you said is also how I feel about things. I would only want to date someone that I could be really good friends with, but by the time the relationship gets to that point, I wouldn't want to jeopardize the friendship by trying to make it romantic.

On the other hand, I don't think I'm capable of "romantic" love that's required for a lasting relationship. I do familial love just fine, but that's as far as I can go. I love my friends the same way I do my sister and my cousins. I enjoy spending time with them, I'm proud of their successes and support them when they fail, and I would do just about anything to protect them and see them happy, but I don't want to share everything with them.

Xavier teaches many good lessons on friendship. But back on topic, I find that the romantic sides to relationships come less natural to me, so I understand how you feel. It is also partly ideological, I don't see that as the most important part of the relationship (though it time, I have found its importance, and try to be sensitive to the fact that it is a more important part of the relationship to most people).

Yeah, I think my version is less ideological and more chemical though. I have my suspicions, but there's not really a test to know for sure if what I'm thinking is correct in this.

Zounds, that does sound like a strange scenario, but I wouldn't be surprised if chemical imbalances or whatnot could effect that. I feel another aspect of my issue is I tend to be (moreso than most guys even) more a thinker, than a feeler. Often when it's hard to see the importance of feelings instead of just doing what makes sense (can be a mood killer in relationships). Hence romance can be something that is more forced for me than natural, in that I can in theory see that it is important for the other person, but doesn't really make sense to me most of the time.

Ah yes, I can relate to that. I can understand physical desire because there's science to explain it to me. Emotional connection I can't because I can't think about it logically. It tends to make things interesting when a guy is interested in me. My most recent response to being asked out was actually several minutes of hysterical laughter followed by a "why?" when I could breathe again. Because logically thinking, I couldn't understand why I was being asked out in the first place since I'd never actually said a single word to the guy (he'd seen me in the office when IT was in installing some new computers).

Of course, that I was being asked out by proxy (the guy who wanted to ask me out asked ANOTHER guy from the IT department to ask if I would be interested in going out with the first guy) probably didn't help matters.

But on the subject of "doing what makes sense" in a relationship... how are you supposed to know what makes sense if you can't think about it and compare it to other peoples' experiences and whatever? Or to your own experiences, for that matter? Or without talking to your partner about it in detail? I mean, it's not like we're mind readers or whatever. And not everyone is good at reading body language accurately. For that matter, how are you supposed to know how your partner is "feeling"?

Yep, romance is definitely way too complicated.

Bart often wonders why a person would want to get married if not for the physical connection, which releases Oxytocin, which if you believe the relationship is a long term relationship, hits all your brain centers correctly to really make you love being with that other person.  An emotional connection, meh, who cares about that. :p

In a more serious vein, which is what happens when you beat your head against this wall of love, or is that seriously in vain...

Ok, seriously now.

Communication is key for that very reason (addressing Kagura), because we can't read each others minds, and what's obviously to one person, is not to another. But I do think it makes more sense when I try to put myself in others shoes, just can't go too much to my past experience. Though I have "gotten butterflies" and what not before, I never act on it, unless the relationship makes sense. If I can't see the relationship being long term then I won't waste my time. (Though definitely there is uncertainty in any relationship at first, I can often tell when there are red flags, or differences that would prevent the relationship for being long term, and I know it's a bad idea to go into a relationship with plans to change the other person, or expectations that they will change on their own.)

So partly because of that, I don't see the romance side as being a good indicator of how good a relationship is, and tend to not put as much importance on it myself. However, I can see it as being a cherry on top if the relationship is already good. Then there's the problem of what is considered romantic varies from person to person. To me I think the main thing that's romantic is simply doing something selflessly for the other person with genuine motives (not to try and get something out of them). Then of course, there's the physical side to the relationship which can be complicated because of my personal/moral/religious beliefs.

OOC: This thread is getting to be longer and longer posts it seems

Don't really think I can relate on that level. I've never gotten "butterflies" for any guys (or girls). Similarly, I can never see a relationship lasting long-term for myself. That's why I'm most inclined to believe that what it is for me is primarily chemical with a secondary in logical as opposed to anything else.

Except Humans and prairie voles (sorry, not dogs) are the only two animals that I know of with oxytocin and vasopressin receptors in the same pleasure centers of the brain.  Chemically, purely physical, if you make the decision to stay with a person for a longer period of time, if you logically decide that you really do want to commit to a relationship, the sex will be better.

Fine, but if the decision to commit to a longer relationship can't be logically made, then that wouldn't happen in the first place, yeah?

Golf balls have so many dimples, they always seem like they're smiling.  (If that conversation was to keep going, one of us would lose their temper.) :)

Huh? I thought things were continuing nicely and civilly. But okay...

I thought so too. I realize my feeling and opinions on the topic are different than most, but I enjoy hearing others perspectives.

Just checking -- I was worried that you'd be getting upset, Kagura. :)

'kay... I don't actually get upset when the conversation is sane and reasoned. It's only when people can't even present facts to back up their arguments (or insist that their view is the only possible correct one due to facts that they present and won't consider other peoples' facts) that I get upset...