Am I tired or depressed?
As the pandemic wears on, I'm finding it harder to keep motivated. While I love the games I run and participate on here, I just couldn't get up the motivation to update them during a recent vacation. I didn't go anywhere, as is the norm nowadays, though I had an isolated family member come into town to visit. Unfortunately we could only meet outside at opposite ends of a porch, or inside while being masked, so that wasn't nearly as much contact as we used to have. We've pretty much decided that no one is getting together for Thanksgiving or Christmas, as we'd be stuck all being masked and well-separated, and eating together at once table is far too dangerous for a family meal (there are at least four members of my family who are in various danger zones for the virus). We're basically going to be doing Zoom holidays. It is not what we wanted, but it's going to have to happen.
But also this week of vacation should have been the time that I was able to finish more writing projects. Yet, I really couldn't. Hubby has been furloughed/unemployed since March, so he was always wanting to watch TV/movies or go out for a car ride or a walk or something of the sort. I really have difficulty trying to carve out writing time when he's wandering into my office to distract himself every twenty minutes, calling me over to look at this or that, bringing the cat in, or any other distraction. I few times I finally co-opted our one TV so I could at least see some of my own shows, but then he just stayed in the room reading or playing video games. It seems petty, but that's kind of distracting to me.
The one thing I really crave is time alone in my own house. The only alone time I get nowadays during my drives to and from work. I am on a nocturnal schedule, but Hubby doesn't go to bed until after midnight, so my brain is usually not really up for writing at 2am. I would prefer to write during the early evening, a little bit after I get up (assuming I don't work that day), but Hubby usually wants to go "do stuff".
After some discussion with my sister, who's in a similar situation, I'm going to ask Hubby to just leave for 3-4 hours at least one day a week. I need quiet time that I know will not be interrupted. I want to be able to write without being even benevolently bugged. I want to be able to go get/make food from places I know he doesn't like and eat them without compromise, pouts, or judgment. I just... want some time to myself...