"You put up a cold front of indifference, but I know the truth.  Pollen is not to blame for your puffy red eyes.  You have been crying!  Crying for fear of the coming dhoomsday."  Johnny look accusingly at the old man.

bovine
snow cones

The old man, Mr. Fillip Turtling, who owns every single field, meadow, pasture, and pinball arcade around, leans on a nearby bovine in the field but cannot respond through his tears.

"He cries," says Ray the greasy man, "because all he's ever been trained to do is make snow cones.  How can he confront doomsday?"

codpiece
Freudian
This message was last edited by the player at 06:17, Mon 13 Dec 2004.

NEW STORY
________________________________________________

Rolph checked his time coordinate book, double checked it, and then punched the numbers into his wristband, finding himself transported to the correct time and space coordinates in the time-space continuum to perform his job for the day.

codpiece
Freudian

Rolph the Freudian stepped into the late 20th century, into New York City.  Someone always tried to mess up the timeline on my shift. He thought as he walked down town, the CODpiece (aka Cop On Duty) blinked on his wrist, showing any temporal distubances.

Penut
Fire

As usual, one showed up almost immediately. Rolph headed immediately towards its source, the city zoo. Apparantly an elephant would choke on a peanut thrown by a zoogoer and be unable to put out a fire with its trunk. Caught in the fire would be a young man who still had much to do in the world.

robot
Madagascar

Just then, Rolph received an urgent call from Madagascar.  "Rolph," said Mr. Beamer, the dispatcher, "I just received news that the elephant is actually a robot.  In order to dislodge the peanut, you will have to..."  He paused to look at his handbook.

arse
tongue

"Find the power switch located in the elephant's arse," explains Mr. Beamer after his long pause.

"I'll get right on it!" Rolph exclaims a bit too excitedly, licking his lips with his strange, lizard-like tongue.

"Oh excuse me, I was reading from the wrong page," Mr. Beamer quickly corrects himself. "The elephant robot's obstruction will respond only to La Tango de la Muerte!"

"Very well," Rolph responds dejectedly.


projection
aspersion

Casting aside his aspersions, Rolph runs to find the Tango.  Unfortunately, all he finds is a slide show of the tango for a projection machine.  Nevertheless, he runs the slides of the tango and the obstruction is released from the elephant.

"Time to head off again," Rolph says before the zookeeper can thank him.  Another job's at hand.  He looks down at his wrist-time-ometer and...


draft
blueberry

is suddenly overcome by the desire for blueberries. He is headed towards Beulah's Fried Chicken and Pancake Shack when a fat he is absconded by a fat man with a video camera. "Senator Rolph, you voted in favor of the draft. Will you sign here to enlist in the army yourself?" the man demands.

gyrate
sandblaster

"I will be happy to if you'll agree to gyrate on a sandblaster," Rolph says curtly.  Then he pops a dried blueberry in his mouth, hits his wristometer, and disappears, only to find himself...


psoriasis
caveman

In a dark painted cave, obviously made by early natives of north america.  They seemed worn, but there was no sign of modern society or evidence of cavemen near by.  A wind blew through the cave, and he noticed a pictograph of a cave man covered in weird markings.  <I>psoriasis<I>  He thought, <I> or a simmilar disease.  Wonder what I'm supposed to do here anyway...


pogo

fruitcake

Etched into the wall deeper in the cave was a recipe for fruitcake. Unfortunately, it required dried blueberries, and he had just eaten his last one. "Guess I'll have to go find some more," he sighs as he saddles up his pogo stick and hops into the wilderness.

gastro-intestinal
regal

Little did he know that the constant hopping up and down on his pogo stick was only aggravating his gastro-intestinal problems that had just become serious within the past few weeks.  He stopped suddenly, flinging his pogo stick to the ground with a regal pompous aire.  "Thus shall I empty my bowls!", he proclaimed, and then headed out deeper into the forest to do the deed.

But along the way he came into a clearing where there was a crystal clear pond. When he came near enough to the pond to drink, he stooped low and hit his hand on the ponds surface! It was solid, and made of crystal. "What a strange part of time this is!" Rolph exclaimed.

He wandered just a few feet away from the clearing to deal with his business and came back to study the transparent pond. He walked on its crystal surface, just a few feet from shore.

fish
sales

To his astonishment, there were tiny crystalline fish swimming about beneath the hard surface of the lake. Rolph's need to evacuate his bowels was clouded from his thoughts by dreams of what he could do with the money from the sales of these strange creatures.

bedlam
genocide

Physically pained, and emotionally conflicted, Rolph considers his options, It's such a peaceful place, I know that if I steal these strange creatures, it would cause bedlam across this entire ecosystem, and if I attempt to relieve myself here, it might be even worse, maybe even resulting in genocide.  This wondrous place destroyed beyond repair.

gas
moist

To test his theory, Rolph released a small fart, and sure enough, the gas caused many of the precious creatures to sink straight to the bottom of the crystal lake. "Well, it must be made out of some kind of fluid," he thought to himself, though even after swiping his finger across the surface a second time, he detected no fluid.

meatball
hyacinth

Momentarily distracted, "I don't remember eating meatballs and flowers.  Oh wait.  There was that deli with the tasty hyacinth bush."

And giving truth to the malady's name, Rolf ran.

Poison oak

newspapers

Lacking a way of cleaning himself, Rolph grabbed for the nearest plant. As his hand broke out in hives, he realized that it was poison oak, and he was actually thankful that the hives had prevented him from doing any more damage. His searching eyes found some discarded newspapers from 1974. The papers appeared to be British, and one headline proclaimed "American 'Efficiency Food' Emporium to Open in South London." In the photo, smiling men in suits and bowler hats led young girls in Sunday dresses by the hand into a restaurant adorned with golden arches and a smiling clown.

polyester
Halifax

Also in the paper were advertisements for polyester curtains and a strange place called the Halifax building society.
Those crazy brits someone needed to show them how to have a good time.

Hospital
Snowflakes

Rolph decided that he was not at all the person to do it. Instead, he sat down and began carving snow-flake patterns into the crystalline surface of the strange lake. Much to his surprise and embarassment, it was not the lake but the ground beneath him that cracked, sending poor Rolph tumbling miles and miles down to the center of the earth, where he landed with a crunch. Determing that he had skinned a knee, Rolph muttered, "I don't suppose there will be a hospital down here anywhere."

digestible
operatic

Somewhere in the distance he heard an operatic sound which he realised was his stomach. I really need to find some digestable matter soon he thought.


Fetch
Compress.

Unbeknownst to Rolf, the evil mole people were plotting his demise.

The leader of the mole people squinted at his commander of the guards, "Go and fetch this surface dweller.  We shall compress his bones until he reveals to us all of his secrets."

hang nail

splat!

Rolph heard a "splat!" next to him and looked over to find that one of his hangnails had also fallen and landed in the mud next to him.

halibut
fringe