Not quite sure how to respond to Rebecca's comment, Alex gives a nervous little laugh.  "Thanks," she says, then adds, "Except I think it's more like paranoia, but whatever works, right?"  Still keeping an eye on their surroundings, she helps the searchers out as needed, glancing over the small stash they've found.  It's been a long time since anyone's had fresh milk or fresh anything, though even so that doesn't really make any of this powdered stuff look more appetizing.  But that's all there will be from now on, until even that runs out... unless they can make it to the farm.  If the farm's still there, if the land is still arable, it will save them all.  There are a lot of ifs, but it's something to hope for, or at least that's what she tells herself.  At least half the time it's more dread for what horrors they might find there.

Like Rebecca, she doesn't relax until she sees everyone uninjured, though the gore and the stench now drifting outside make her wince.  Still, she gives Matt and the others a relieved smile, still watchful as they pack up the spoils.  "Is -- is that it?  Are we going back now?"  Honestly, she isn't sure what to hope for -- the ship is safe, she longs to go back there as soon as they can, but on the other hand she's been bracing herself for a lot of scavenging and she wants to get that mission over with.

Seeing Zoe's tagging, Alex raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything.  It doesn't really seem like much of an act of rebellion when there's nothing much left to rebel against, but it's also a harmless way for the girl to vent her frustrations.  And when she sees the graffiti take shape, she guesses that it's also a way to memorialize someone, probably a parent, she thinks with a pang of sympathy.  In a world without tidy funerals and gravestones, that sort of remembrance is about all anyone can hope for.

Then Ryder starts making his case for continuing on, though she’s still torn on that question.  She agrees with much of what he says, she’s been thinking the same things, but he seems so flippant about the danger, not to mention so obsessed with plushies, it worries her.  He seems convinced that enough bravado and luck is all they need.  As worldly as he seems in general, he’s very wrong there.  But neither is she comfortable with arguing the point, not when there are so many mouths to feed.  For now she looks to Matt for his opinion, clearly uneasy but also doing her best to seem brave and ready to help.

"I think we should go back," Matt can feel his anxiety levels rising as Ryder suggests pushing on. He messed up back there, and the outcome could easily have been very different. He thinks back to the Hill, remembering how stressed Cody was when they set out ... and how badly that ended. "Offload the stuff we have, then head out again if we feel up to it."

OOC:
15:31, Today: Matt Carter rolled 5 using 1d6 with rolls of 5.  Overwhelmed.
15:30, Today: Matt Carter rolled 26 using 8d6 with rolls of 2,4,2,4,1,5,5,3.
Shattered!!
This message was last edited by the player at 15:33, Thu 15 Feb.

It’s easy for Alex to guess what Matt is thinking.  They haven’t talked about it much, out of necessity at first, but they both had a lot of the same regrets and feelings after the Hill.  There’s Before and there was After, and in a strange way the Hill is more significant in that respect than the apocalypse itself.

She doesn’t say anything now, she feels too tongue-tied, but she reaches out to take his hand, edging closer to him.

In reply to Alex Martin (msg # 57):

OOC-Social modifier combat rules!

Because Alex is there with Matt, Sean will get +2 to his interaction roll to figure out info about Matt.

Ryder is right. Each time it will be dangerous and if we need to make constant runs out into the city, each trip will be a gamble. This doesn't address the concerns people have about stepping off the boat, but it doesn't solve the issue of dwindling supplies either. We don't want to be in a position where our stocks are so low that trips are a necessity.

The experience on the hill was traumatizing for everyone that survived, but more so for Alex and Matt than myself and Devon. I had been handcuffed and kept in a tent while the fight too place while Devon stood guard in the opposite direction. Alex and Matt, they witnessed everything. They heard the cries and screams and saw the carnage. I don't blame Matt for having serious reservations about excursions out into the world.

"None of this is easy and I know this brings back bad memories, but I think we need to press on. Every time we cross the bridge, we're a target for either these Ghouls or another rival group. Would you prefer to stay in the vehicle or keep watch? If so, that's okay. No one is going to think less of you, I promise." I speak to Matt softly, and privately, while offering him faint, yet genuine smile, acknowledging the man's anxiety. If his anxiety is going to be an issue, we need to work through it and I want to know how I can help him. "Are you okay with that option?"

11:13, Today: Sean Anderton rolled 30 using 9d6 with rolls of 2,4,4,4,2,2,4,5,3.  Manipulation 7 + Stress 2.

11:25, Today: Sean Anderton rolled 8 using 2d6 ((4,4)).

11:40, Today: Sean Anderton rolled 45 using 12d6 ((1,4,2,4,2,5,6,6,4,4, 3,4))., Pushed, Two successes, zero walkers.
This message was last edited by the player at 16:40, Thu 15 Feb.

OOC-Matt's IC response post to Sean should include 'social defense roll' or a PM to him included in the text letting Sean know what he has figured out.
This message was last edited by the GM at 16:47, Thu 15 Feb.

"I know you. I don't worry enough" Rebecca says to Zoe, an exchange they have clearly had many times. She ruffles her sister's hair fondly. "Have fun with your artwork"
She nods warmly in response to Alex. "It's never paranoia to keep watch out here. I'm glad to have you with me."
"We're all nervous after that walker incident" she says gently to Matt. "But going back will waste fuel and time and, as Sean says, put us in more danger. I can go in and you can keep watch if that works better; you're one heck of a shot with that bow" she finishes, clearly admiring his ability with the weapon
"I'd still like to check out that sports store and see if we can find any more bows. Once we're all properly armed I'll feel a lot less nervous." She gives Sean a significant look. What was he thinking, coming out here without a weapon?

Matt's tries to focus on what Sean is saying, but everything is blurred. There's a man in black ... a girl with braids ... someone is shooting ... Cody is down ... men with axes hacking at Jonesy. Walkers approaching ... more shooting ... Alex and Deborah have been hit ... and Gabby ... he can't get to her, they're all around him ... Jessica tries to fight them off, but they get her too ... clawing, biting, flailing ... someone is screaming ... the walkers are everywhere ... he can smell them, feel them scratching at his body. He tries to fight, tries to escape ... someone is calling ... it's Alex ... she reaches out to take his hand ... Sean is there too ... talking to him, asking something ...

"You go on, I'm fine ... everyone else is dead."

Rebecca's comment isn't unwarranted, and it doesn't go unnoticed. My eyes flicker to her for a brief moment before focusing on Matt again, ignoring such back-handed comments.

My brow furrows out of concern once Matt replies, knowing there's something going on more than just the incident with the freezer. I look to Alex and back to Matt, motioning towards the inside of the Rover. My concern for his well-being is apparent and my tone is gentle and caring. "We're fine now and out of the store. I tell you what; Alex will sit with you in the vehicle now. Rebecca can take over for now. We'll make quick work of it, then we'll be back on the ship, alright?"

Whenever we get moving, the next stop or two will need to be quick. I don't want to risk another trip to the city but I don't want Matt to be exposed to any perceived danger either.

Rebecca's tough demeanor vanishes and she just looks softly at Matt. "Hey, it's okay, we're here. Alex is here, Sean is here, they're okay, they're safe" she says soothingly.

Everyone else is dead.

Alex's heart breaks at the words, for Matt, for herself, for everyone.  Sean says something comforting, then Rebecca, and Alex is glad they're there, glad they're trying to help.  Whether anything or anyone can help is another question.

But she knows exactly what images are haunting Matt now.  They're never far from her thoughts, either.  They take hold of you when you least expect them, they drown out every other memory. They’re vividly, impossibly real, more real sometimes than whatever’s right in front of you.

Without thinking, she puts her arms around him, holding him tight.  "We're not there anymore," she whispers.  "We're not there.  Just hold on to me."

She says these things, makes soothing sounds, clings to him.  The one thing she doesn't do is to say that everything's all right.  She doesn't want to lie to him, not even with the best intentions in the world.

"I'll be okay," Matt tries to reassure Sean, "the things in there caught me by surprise, that's all."

Seeing Rebecca's concern, he smiles. "I'm fine thanks, just distracted for a moment. Did you find your communications equipment?"

As Alex puts her arms around him, Matt responds giving her a huge hug. "I'll be fine," he whispers, "Let's get into the car, I don't want to keep John waiting."
This message was last edited by the player at 19:30, Thu 15 Feb.

Matt answers Rebecca and Sean calmly enough, and for a moment Alex thinks the worst might already be past.  Then Matt mentions, still quite calmly, that he doesn't want to keep John waiting and she bites her lip.  It always hurts more than she expects it to, whenever something calls forth the memory of one of the lost.  And this… this kind of reminder is worse.  She catches Sean’s eye, not sure if he heard Matt’s whisper.

Her first instinct is to remind Matt as gently as she can of Cody’s death, but there isn’t any gentle way to do that and she can’t bring herself to try.  Better to let him realize it for himself, in his own time, perhaps, though she’s still uncertain.  "Right, we'll -- we'll just wait in the car.  Truck, SUV, whatever you're supposed to call something this fancy."  The smile she manages to summon is brief and strained, but she does her best.  "Come on, we can keep watch.  Take a little break from the scavenging.  Maybe you can start teaching me about how to make bows."

This is all grasping at straws more than anything, trying to find something that will both distract him and help bring him back into the present.  She lets him go and takes his hand again instead, leading him back to the Range Rover and opening the door.
This message was last edited by the player at 20:52, Thu 15 Feb.

Rebecca doesn't know what Matt's talking about, but she just smiles gently and says "Not yet, I'm still looking. But I'm confident."

Nodding at Rebecca's response, Matt unslings his bow and climbs into the SUV, finding a good spot to stash his weapons. "Yea, we'll keep watch, but I don't know how much I can tell you about making bows. Juan did most of the work, Bill helped too."

Just sitting with Alex was enough to ease some of Matt's stress, and he was already feeling much calmer, but talking about bows seemed like a good way to maintain focus. "Juan found a suitable piece of wood and carved out the inside with a knife, to give it a good shape, and cut a notch on either end to hold the string. The string is just some fishing line that Bill scrounged from one of the lockers. The arrows were more difficult, but Juan is a whizz at metalwork, so he made the arrowheads, and we collected a few gull feathers on the wharf for the fletchings. It's a bit of a DIY job, but seems to work well - killed five people back on the hill."

This isn't good. Maybe Alex can keep Matt distracted long enough for the next few stops that it won't be too much of an issue in the immediate future, but once we get back to the ship, I'll need to give him a thorough look-over. It's my hope that Matt's behavior doesn't have too much of an effect on Alex.

Once I climb into the front passenger seat, I look over to Ryder and simply motion to go forward. My hands reach up and adjust my beanie while I look in the rearview mirror at Matt, Alex, then back over to Ryder. While he doesn't know how tight of a group we had become, it didn't take a genius to figure out something isn't quite right. The sooner this is over, the better.

Before she climbs in, Alex looks over her shoulder at Rebecca, her expression somewhere between apologetic and frightened.  Matt's confused the young soldier for Deborah, though of course Rebecca doesn't know what he's talking about.  Thankfully she was quick to humor him.  Alex is nearly beside herself with worry for Matt's sake... and for hers, too, she has to admit.  It's been Matt holding her together, really, not the other way around.  If he hadn't had to work so hard to keep her grounded, maybe he wouldn't be like this now.  She should have insisted that they talk about what happened sooner... or at least insisted that he talk, even if all she could do was listen.

At least he seems to be somewhat more in the moment now, talking calmly and reasonably about bow making, and she reaches over to take his hand.  He even refers to the Hill solidly in the past tense, which reassures her a little -- even if the knowledge that he helped to kill five people, even in defense of himself and his friends, might also be part of what's weighing on him.  In this new world, they might all have to become murderers at some point, just to be able to live another day.

She pushes that thought aside.  It will only upset her more, and she's got enough to do hiding her feelings as it is.  No one needs to see her upset, and she has to focus on Matt right now.  "You'll have to teach me how to shoot," she says, encouragingly.  "I've kind of always wanted to learn how to shoot a bow anyway."  And she had, except of course she's only had target shooting in mind before.  "When we get back, maybe we can sit down with Juan and Bill and try to figure out better ways of making arrows.  And maybe strings, too, so we can save the fishing line for fishing.  I think you can make them out of plants, like hemp.  We'll have to figure that out."

She's still babbling almost as much as talking, more concerned with keeping him distracted than with making sense, though improving their bow and arrow making skills actually isn't a bad idea.  But all of that will have to wait until she's sure Matt's all right, and she squeezes his hand, managing a more convincing smile this time.

Rebecca nods understandingly at Alex. PTSD; there was a lot of it going around ever since all this had started. Before getting back in the SUV she whispers to Sean. "We should get Matt back to base soon. Don't want him getting hurt." She gets in the SUV and doesn't interrupt in case it causes trouble. Instead, she once again keeps watch out the window, looking for any snipers or ambushes.

Ryder chews his cheek. He's seen it before, too many times. Most people struggle with the world as it is now. Tribalism, kill or be killed, the constant threat of the dead.

He grew up in Amityville. He hasn't noticed much of a change.

Still, he's matured enough to know when to keep his mouth shut and look like a normal person. Almost normal. He looks at Sean and nods.

"That's a good idea, Sean." His eyes flick to the rearview, where Matt is looking onto a world only he can see. "When things look like they've hit rock bottom," he whispers, starting the engine, "when you think they can't get any worse, head to Walmart. Prove yourself wrong."

He starts the Range Rover and heads for the bridge.

Zoe revs up her scooter, ready to hit the road with the group. As she glances at Matt, she can sense his pain but isn't sure what to do about it. She knows that sometimes words aren't enough, especially in a world where survival is a daily struggle.

With a serious look on her face, Zoe goes first, riding her scooter skillfully through the streets. Despite the gravity of the situation, she can't help but feel a rush of adrenaline as they navigate the desolate landscape.

"Agreed." My response to Rebecca is equally as hushed as her statement.

As we navigate down the once-busy street that is now empty of life, I look out the window. My thoughts are drawn to my first impression of this little seaside town; it was quant and picturesque. I had grown up in a gated community and spent summers at resorts and summer camps, which reminded me of this little town nestled along the coast. I never thought I'd end up living here of all places nor did I ever think the dead would roam the Earth, but here we are. Funny how all of that works out, isn't it? I can't imagine my family would have survived the initial outbreak. I suppose I'll never know their fate.

The mood in the Rover needs adjusting to something other than Matt's breakdown. It might distract him too.

"I'm going to find a Siouxsie and the Banshees album for you," I snicker to Ryder as one hand reaches up to bring down the makeup mirror and the other removes the beanie covering my head. Both hands then comb through my long blond hair, massaging my scalp a bit in the process. This is an easy way for me to relieve some stress and tension that's developed along the back of my neck and head. "And if you want to find an album for me, I'd gladly listen."

Rebecca looks nervous as Zoe zooms away on her scooter. Rebecca keeps a careful watch out the window. After a moment, as the car rolls quietly through the streets, she begins to sing quietly. "There's got to be a morning after
If we can hold on through the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine
Let's keep on looking for the light..."
She has an excellent singing voice.

Matt sits quietly, still holding Alex's hand and looking out of the window as if lost in thought.

Alex recognizes the tune Rebecca is singing, though she doesn't know the lyrics.  Not that she would dare to join in -- she was never much of a singer and she's even less confident about her voice these days.  But Rebecca's voice is very good, the song soothing, and Alex sighs as she listens.  The words are hopeful, but despite that -- or perhaps because of that -- she suddenly wants to burst into tears even more than she did a moment ago, and again has to fight off the urge.

Matt's stopped talking, withdrawing into himself, and that certainly doesn't make her feel any better.  Carefully, taking the utmost care not to disturb him, she leans a little closer to him, resting her head lightly on his shoulder.  Even though he's still holding her hand, she isn't entirely convinced that he realizes she's there, and she wants to let him know he isn't alone.

Even as the team drives away, unseen by those in the car, someone on one of the rooftops aims with a rifle. Someone behind the sniper hits person on the shoulder, and shakes one finger at them. As if they where being a naughty child. Then the other figure gestures for them to follow as they both leave...